With the epidemic of teenage girls loosing their panties over the idea of a vampire lover, Twilight, multiple Vampire Animes etc...), the timeless question now in place is team Edward or team...that other guy. But lets face it, why would you want to screw any of these guys. Why would anyone want to fuck a vampire?
Logistics:
Cold: Vampires..they are cold. Not just cold. ICE Cold. the fact that you would even want one near you boggles the mind before anyone else. Did you ever look to your lover and say..."Hey baby , let's do it, but not where its warm...lets do it on Ice." Unless you work for a meat packaging company or the ice capades odds are this particular level of fetish has never come up for you. Past that. Imagine the frost bite.
Biting: Look I have enjoyed a good nip here and there, but I can't see a valentines day card with "I want to suck your blood" Being quite the romance that most girls desire. I just can't see in the middle of a hard core passionate affair , your guy leaning over and removing a large chunk of your shoulder and slowly bleeding you out being that awesome experience. Not to be fair, depending on the lore, some say it add pleasure, some say that the vampire can heal it right afterwards..but.....Next time you hurt yourself...I mean really hurt yourself sit and ponder..Would this be fun during sex?
Hygene: Vampires, you know..No one talks about their cleaning habits. They don't eat, so they don't poo or anything else I suppose. Many of them live in dusty places with cobwebs everywere. But doesn't this mean since they don't "Live" they don't really mantain? You don't see a lot of shower scenes in vampire flicks...he never takes the time to brush his teeth and go to the dentist does he? What about other things that might grow to live on a body like that? Does a vampire have to Manscape?
Jizz?:What exactly comes out when they are "enjoying themselves" As a lot of lore says blood is their tears..I really don't want to think of what horrible concoction might come out of the undead in the midst of orgasm.
All and all I think that I would not want to do a vampire, and when it comes down to why would anyone else. Even though Hollywood is teaching us to glamourize these teenage blood-sucking bastards of the undead....I really think you should take the immortal words of our generation and "Just say no." If you don't, as twilight teaches us, you end up a married undead chick with a baby that a werewolf "marks" as his own right after highschool. You really don't want that do you?
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